Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The Future

     I'm taking a post to deviate from my normal update of the happenings of life around here.  I started one of those a while ago and have yet to finish it.  Which makes this post even more ironic in a sense, since the thought of even considering the following may seem crazy when I can't seem to keep up with most things at the present time.  But that's my life....it has been for a while now....and truthfully, I wouldn't have it any other way.  Because God's time is not our time...God's ways are not our ways....and, surprise surprise, His time and ways far exceed ours! 

     I was pretty adamant that Kyleigh would be our last child.....aside from the potential future fostering we've often talked about.  And yet from the moment she arrived, I have felt this surprising desire for more.  Maybe because it's just such a miracle....or because I'm just enjoying it in such a more relaxed way this time....or because this baby is such an angel!  Or, perhaps there's more to it.  I've made countless pros and cons lists in my mind about having more.... I've been reminded I don't have to figure this out today, and it made me wonder why I felt the pressure to decide one way or the other.  And then it started to click....both the reminder that I'm a slow learner, and what that may mean.  Because this is all too familiar.  I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.  It's the same experience I had with adoption, both times.  That was never my idea....God was the one who kept bringing it in front of my face so that I couldn't ignore it.  And I've felt that He's reminding me, yet again, that this is His decision....and my role is simply to remain open...and willing.

     And so, as I adjust my focus to being ready and willing for whatever God may call us to, we've talked about the possibility of fostering infants sooner...maybe it's not so far off in the future - our timelines are never very accurate we've found :)  Of course, with this new idea swimming around, I've started to second guess....how on earth will I be able to let go when it's time.....I know myself, I know I'll fall in love with these babies.  I also know the lasting impact that a lack of care and love can have on a child.....I see it daily.  And as I process this, this article sat before me this morning.  I can't help but marvel at how God works....how He prepares us....how HE cares.  I don't know what will happen in the future, but I know the one who does, and I'm excited to find out when the time comes.



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