Thursday, January 10, 2013

Glimmers of hope...

               I really feel at a loss for words.....my thoughts are all over the place so I apologize in advance if this post is chaotic.  I guess I'll start with the fact that I have truly not felt like myself these past two weeks.  Maybe that seems like it would be obvious, but I mean it in the sense that I have genuinely felt a peace that passes understanding....I have felt calm in the midst of one of the most difficult things I have ever faced, and please realize...this-is-not-me! (And yes I do still have my moments of anxiety and a good cry here and there, I am still human!)  My nature is to worry and, I hate to admit this, to often be controlled by that anxiety.  I do not embrace this and it is a constant struggle that I do fight against, but if this situation does not show that God is CLEARLY giving me a peace that can only come from Him, nothing will.   
                
               I wish that there were words to express the deepest gratitude one could feel that were hardly every used.  Words that were special, saved for only the most meaningful times, and that could really convey the most heartfelt appreciation.  The fact that we say "thank you" to someone for handing us a movie ticket we've just purchased, or even when someone holds a door or brings you a glass of water, just makes those words seem like not enough when it comes to the "big stuff."  So please know that a mere thank you does not seem like nearly enough for all of the prayers and support that so many of you have extended to our family.  I am overwhelmed to tears on a regular basis as I read...."praying, praying, praying for you, praying for your family, praying for Levi, praying from CT, praying from MD, praying....."  The text messages, calls, emails, cards and cookies at our door, times of praying together in coffee shops, verses and lyrics shared and so much more have been such a blessing.  My word document of verses has grown tremendously as so many have added to it.  I will never be able to thank you all enough.  I may not know the outcome of this situation, but I know that God has heard our cries and He WILL answer....in His way, in His time.  This has taught me so much about life in general....and it has taught me more than ever to pray.  I can only recall a handful of times in my life that I have prayed with this type of utter helplessness and dependence on God, and I can't stop asking myself why?  I want this to be a way of life....there are so many things in this world that deserve the same type of prayer......I have so much to learn.....

                If I feel I can't express my gratitude to all of you, I feel even more humbled before the God of the universe who has shown such grace, mercy and compassion on me.....He has given me peace and has taught me to trust in Him.  I have been reminded of the many promises He makes to us and have been shown how much He loves us time and time again.  I have gained far more than I have given in this journey.

             There are still no real answers, although we are starting to see some real glimmers of hope.  There have been several articles declaring that adoptions will continue for one year due to the bilateral agreement that went into effect Nov. 1st between Russia and the US.  While this ban has terminated that agreement, in order for one country to withdraw from the agreement there is supposed to be one year given before it can be fully terminated.  We've known this from the beginning, but are still unsure as to how Russia will go about implementing this and if they will follow through.  We have still received the "go" from our agency and are planning on traveling the 19th.  Our court decree should still go into legal effect on January 17th and we should be able to receive our paperwork needed to get a passport for Levi.  That's where the "shoulds" end and it becomes slightly less clear.  I think there will be a lot of changes within this next week so I am being careful to just wait before I assume anything.  We are being told to be cautious, and also to be as "unnoticeable" as possible, hence the privacy of the blog right now.  (I will eventually open it back up once Levi is HOME). 

             Tomorrow we have a conference call with the Department of State regarding this situation so I am hoping that they will have some new information for us.  Thankfully God is bigger than all of this so He really has the final say!

                

No comments:

Post a Comment