I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2
The day we had our court hearing to make the adoption official was the day this entire mess hit the papers in Russia. At the time it seemed that because our adoption was technically official and we were congratulated on being parents, that we would not be affected. I felt physically sick about the implications of the potential ban for other families, but most of all for the hundreds of thousands of orphans who may be denied a loving family. Day by day it has come closer to reality and it seems that the goal is to prevent even one more child from leaving the country. Even those of us who have had court hearings may be denied the right to bring our children home….what should be is not what is.
I struggled so much with accepting this journey in the beginning….and now here I am fighting for it with everything I have. For the first time in my life I have 100% fully felt led by God from day one of this journey…..this was not my idea, it was His….and He was so persistent in showing me that this was His plan. For the first time I feel like we were obedient to a call that was completely out of our hands and beyond our control. I wouldn’t trade a moment of this journey for anything and I am so thankful that He has been patient with us as we learn what it truly means to follow Him.
Knowing that God called us to this and that He knew that this would happen leaves us once again without control, at the feet of a God who is Sovereign and loves this little boy more than we could even fathom. My heart aches and my stomach is in knots…..I don’t think this is a lack of faith, nor do I believe that God expects a peace or trust that doesn’t “feel.” I think He feels it more than I do. His call was for us to follow, and His promise is to be there to guide us and equip us….not a promise that everything would go as we would hope or expect.
I serve a God that parted a sea, raised the dead, heals the sick, rose again and is bigger than any situation I may find impossible. I KNOW that He can move mountains to bring this adoption to completion. I also know that we as sinful creatures each have our own free will and, as we have seen too frequently lately, that often has devastating consequences on those around us. I often wonder how many times, when situations could have, almost were, or may have been devastating, God has intervened and shielded us from extreme consequences and suffering. When does it end? I fully believe he CAN change this situation and I wholeheartedly pray that He will. Now more than ever, these children need our prayers…..please join with us as we pray according to God’s word. That we, and other families, can continue to follow the call to care for the orphans (James 1:27), and defend the cause of the fatherless (Isaiah 1:17).
“I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27