The other night we, as a family, were playing in Caleb's "big boy room." Before long it was bedtime, and Caleb lay down on the bed and requested to sleep there. Assuming he was likely just trying to buy more play time and avoid going to sleep, I played along. Much to my surprise he eagerly settled into bed, we read a story, prayed and said goodnight. For those who aren't aware, Caleb was deeply attached to his crib....many mornings I would go to get him and he would say "no!" and ask to stay and play in his crib. I had assumed that the transition would be forced, and at the last possible time before Levi comes home. The point is, the now empty nursery is screaming for a baby to occupy it. It has somehow amplified my desire for Levi to come home......
It's been a little while since I've posted on here....mainly because there are really no updates. Its been over a month since we returned from meeting Levi and we haven't heard much. I'll be honest, I've started to lose hope of possibly going to court in December, and have started considering that Levi may not come home until February or even later. It's been a challenge to feel so helpless, while feeling such a sense of urgency that this little boy needs to come home!
Last night I was really having a hard time....whenever I start to feel bad for myself, or about something, God always seems to remind me to look at things from His perspective...or compares my situation to His. Obviously I believe that Levi would be better off here....I've tried to do everything as quickly as possible in order to keep things moving along. We've done everything that's been asked of us and are just waiting. It just seems crazy! I started to hear Jesus reminding me....."I gave my life...I did everything my Father asked of me....I took your place, I paid for your sins...I took everyone's place.....and still I wait for them to come to me." I love my sons more than I ever could have imagined loving anyone. There's just nothing like the love for your child, and you can't understand it until you are a parent. I can't even fathom the love that God has for us, his children. I can't imagine having given my life and still having my children reject me....or purposefully waiting to come to me. My longing for Levi to be home with his family is probably not even a fraction of the longing God has for His children to come to Him, and the pain He must feel as we turn away. If I have to feel this for a few months of my life, and it gives me a deeper glimpse into the love God has for us....how can I complain or feel sorry for myself?
There is a time for everything....right now is my time to learn a little more, to draw closer to God and to wait for my son to come home. I pray I won't forget that this was God's idea from the beginning...His perfect plan to reveal in His perfect time.....I long for that perfect time, but I'm so thankful for the journey and for all that He is teaching me along the way.